Rome 101.2

ROMEITIS: NOUN. An acute case of Rome the puppy taking over your life. Eating your food and generally speaking consuming the world in which you live. A swelling of your neck, legs, face, tail, and anything else that Rome can get his mouth around and chew on. A smell that causes your nostrils to become swollen and inflamed; it smells like wet dog, dirt, smelly socks and rotten eggs and it comes in a 40 pound bottle called Rome dele pue and can be purchased at your local shelter for around 80 dollars.

It goes with out saying if I could understand the syllabus, and try and see what I am really being asked to do it may not be that hard. I am trying to understand the “subject matter” but honestly I can’t make heads or tails. I am wondering if my family meant to sign up for the honors class or the AP version that we have landed in. All I can say is, I hope I get a college credit for this!

I over heard my dad saying after a very long session “Remember when we thought Pike 101 was a lot of work?” (first thought: me, are you joking?). Then mom said, “Rome

101.2 is like a scene from Nightmare on Elm Street and a Brittany Spears song on puree: 1,2, Rome is coming for you, 3,4 run for the door, 5,6,7,8. . . 9, 10 oops he did it again.”

Just tonight as we sat together watching a movie about how to tame your dragon, I was wondering how this applied to ROME. Then he took out dads knee, laid waste to my sister as she came down the stairs and it all became clear. He met dad at his kennel for office hours and the whole family went out for recess.

The crazy thing is, I don’t think it needs to be this hard. He is a clever chap and a fast teacher so he definitely has more then 2 squirrels running around in the space between his ears. He is a presence when he wants to be and when he showers after gym class he is not too bad to have around. Then he en-rolls in something gross and I come back to reality and remember who my lab partner really is! Secretly, I keep hoping for the Cliff Notes so I can just take the final and don’t have to come to class everyday and sit through the agony. Mom can you pass the Rimadyl? My whole body aches!

I wish I could speak dog but honestly it is a lost language to me since I have spell check and an editor. I think someone should tell him his class is too much for beginners and only after taking all of the pre-recs should anyone attempt to take Rome 101.2. I would tell Rome; go slowly some of us have a hard time keeping up! There should be a lesson on how to smell Poodles and that cute Mastiff that was sitting on the counter the other day. We need more time spent learning about weave poles, agility classes and lessons on the teeter-totter than on how to take out your entire family in one flight of stairs! This is an advanced class and we clearly are beginners.

the Collies, the

I did figure out what to do for extra credit to bring up my grade. I am going to order him a shirt that says if you are close enough to read this, run for your life I will spontaneously combust in 1,2 RUFF!!!

I hope to make it through his first year. If it is this hard I can’t imagine what the second year will be like! I may need a tutor, and some really strong water to get through it. I have my family and we can study the subject together. At the very least one of us can always be ready to yell.... INCOMING! Class dismissed. ~Ruff!

KONG Envy

Well, it has come to my attention that I may be getting muscled-out by my younger and, according to my family, smarter brother. Now I know that my mom really loves me best, I am, after all, the great protector of our family, however Rome seems to get all kinds of lavish toys everyday.

I remember when I would get a new rope or chew toy about every 2 months which, in dog years, is an eternity, just for the record. That stupid puppy gets new toys all the time. I think it is because he is so cute and sweet, but I overheard Mom saying she should have named him Houdini and that she has never seen a dog so smart. Now, of course she wasn't actually comparing him to me. After all, how many dogs do you know that type their own column for the paper each week? Clearly when it comes to brains and braun, if we are really taking stock, I am all that and a bag of kibble. Back to the toys however, to keep Mr. Rome out of trouble when he is bored my Mom continues to feed his gluttony with more toys. Squeaky balls-he has 3 now. I think Mom forgot she already bought him the other 2. She bought him a new raccoon because apparently the one I chewed in half and tore the legs off wasn't good enough for him. What ever happened to hand me downs? I mean really, there were several parts that had only been slightly chewed. She bought him a new rope because she was worried about linear foreign bodies from all the strands I unraveled as I drug him across the living room last night on his back. If he is so smart, why didn't he let go? That's the question she should be asking not, "Pike, why did you destroy this rope?" Um... well let's see, 40-pounds of dog back and forth across the rug, the tile, the doorsill 10 times will do that to a rope. I know she is smarter then this, but still she asks.

Which brings me to a question for her, "Mom, why is it that he has the bigger treat kong?" I know you know what I am talking about and I have to say I am very disappointed in you. He has the a huge Kong and I just have the original standard-issue one. Now I understand sometime you get what you get and you don't pitch a fit, but I WANT THE BIG KONG!!!! I am the oldest and I was here first and I..i....Never mind, I'll just wait until he is busy being smart and moving the soda fridge out of the the way so he can escape and run free around the lobby and then, then I will take it. Yep, that is exactly what I will do. Now who's the smart one. Rome may be younger and sweeter but, at the end of the day, its called Pike's Corner, not Rome's.