Insomnia and friends

Insomnia and I are good friends we go way way back for as long as I can remember. Over the years we have broke up and gotten back together. She really does know how to get under your skin like a parasite and stay there. I have explained in the height of dilerium how much I hate her and her cronies. Perhaps in your own travels you have met them. Two of my most favorites Night sweats and Nightmares are like her BFF's they are alway close by cackling in the night right beside self loathing and self doubt. They have a punch list at all times of the things you have forgotten to do are perhaps failed altogether as just a subtle reminder of all your inadequacies.

Headache and Red Eyes are like the kids who want to be cool and linger on the edges, always there to support Insomnia and back her up in case Sleep decides to try again and intervene! These two will be sure to remind you when you look into the mirror that last nights tangle with Insomnia was not your imagination and that she really did kick your butt. 

Sadly, as often happens by the time Sleep gets up enough courage to take her on it is time to get up and start a new day. Insomnia content that her work here is done laughs and simply walks away. Sleep retreats to regroup and prepare herself for battle once again ... she says she will see you later and suggests you order a double espresso and try and have a good day. 

Theses are the days I am thankful for my dogs and their ability to see the bright side of everything. They show me all day long as they sleep despite the chaos all around them; that this is how it is done and if I would just watch them perhaps their amazing sleeping abilities would some how rub off on me. Perhaps if I curled up next to them I could absorb some of this ability that they are willing to demonstrate, for my benefit of course, daily sometime for up to 16 hours a day. I really should learn to be a better student. 

Pike reminds me as he follows me through the house in the dark,  nudging me with his head towards the bed that if I would just stop moving Sleep could cast her lovely spell upon me and I could dream a lovely dream. At the sound of the dishes and the mixer whirling and clanking in the night he knows better however and that the scones will be just as delightful when he wakes up so off he goes leaving me to my task. He'll thank Insomnia from the bottom of his belly in the morning and demonstrate for me once again how this sleeping thing is done. Pike is after all the smart one in our family and if you ask him what goes with a scone he will tell you coffee with extra cream and a long nap. In my next life I am coming back as a dog or a cat. For now I will attempt to simply find a way to stay out of Insomnia's way and perhaps she will tire of our unfriendly encounters and decide to find a new BFF. I won't bet my pillow on it. 

A chocolate rabbit tail.

It really is not hard at all to do just about anything you set your mind to. Of course now I have a bigger mind then most so usually I set my sights on something more challenging. Stealing bread off the counter is a feat I have mastered and I would almost never get caught if I didn't vomit from gorging myself. Getting on the sofa is another one, I sadly have white fur and not tan like the sofa I am sure mom would never even notice if I was tan.

I have decide I am getting older and it is time I set my sights a little higher and make the game a little more challenging. I need to seize the chances to be bad when they cross my path, YOLO right. I thought this as I crept into the bedroom where my sister and I sleep; this should not raise any suspicion at all. I looked around behind me and saw there was no one around and I went for it. I wrapped my jaws around its little head and picked it up. It weighed more than I had anticipated and I had to set it down and adjust my grip.

"Got it" I thought as I peered around the corner and heard mom in the next room putting laundry away. I carefully went down the stairs nice and slowly making sure not to drop my prize. I have wanted this thing for years and my sister always careful to put up high after she plays with, forgot today and left me my one chance. I know if I got caught my sister would cry and my mom and dad would be furious. I was living on the edge and I knew it and it felt good. I only had a few more feet to go and I would be in the clear and ensconced behind the chair where I always take my bone when I want some alone time. I was almost there. I was trembling with excitement, I could already hear the fabric ripping in my mind I could taste the chocolate packets housed within the furry creatures head and belly and I knew soon I would be experiencing a nirvana unlike anything else. I had one last turn and I was home free....

I was so distracted I must not of heard her; "stupid amateur hour move Pike" I thought. I saw her feet and heard the scream coming from the kitchen as my sister saw me at the same time as my mom caught me. My sister rushed to aid her little furry stuffed bunny friend and I hit the deck for the wrath I knew was coming. Mom grabbed my collar and put me outside; knowing I would certainly wet myself and the carpet if she yelled at me inside the house. My sister was crying and looking over her little chocolate bunny that she has had since she was an infant. She yelled to mom that her little friend was ok and just a little wet from being in my stinky mouth. I was going to yell back I just had a dental and my breath does not stink...when I heard Mom assure her she could clean the little stuffed bunny that smelled like milk chocolate from the inside out, but first, she had to "deal with Pike". "Deal with Pike" is never a phrase you want to hear. 

She yelled at me that I knew better, and asked me what was I thinking and than she said she was very disappointed in me which immediately made me pee my fur. "Geez" Pike she exclaimed. She made me stay out there and think about what I had done. I watched her tend to my sisters little stuffed friend through the screen door and knew the gig was up and I would never have a crack at that little creature again. I will have to go back to dreaming about shredding that little toy I was so close, I had it in my mouth; I could still feel it's weight in my jaws and feel its fur on my lips this will just have to sustain me. Until next time that is when good dogs go bad. ~Ruff.  

NO PIKE, NO HIKE!!!

My family took my brother and I on a hike. I didn't even know what a hike was and now, well now, I am hooked. The trees, the smells, the dirt!!!! Awe yes this is a dogs life. Then my family had to go rain on my fall leave parade.  I heard mom saying no hikes the next couple weeks to the kids this morning and and I realized that means no hikes for the dogs either. Wait just a minute here missy... you said Sunday Funday. I heard you say this and now your saying no more hikes for a while? Thats like saying no more dinner for a while. You are insane! Make up your mind already! Do we need to stage an intervention?

It was later in the day at work I knew there was trouble.  I was listening to my mom go over the schedule with our staff for the next few weeks and well let me just say I AM A LITTLE UPSET!!!. I understand she and dad are busy, what with all the new equipment arriving that needs to be installed time is a hot commodity. She is talking about literally burning the  midnight oil here. I heard something about them winning a grand prize and a fancy dinner! Then I heard her mention to the kids they are all running in the Path Race this Sunday! What are we doing Sunday afternoon, I ask  BARK BARK?? She opens the back door gesturing for me to go outside. No! I do not need to go outside mom,  I need an answer. Come on women if I can learn to type you can learn to speak dog. Bark Bark!!! Then as if she can read my mind, she said the rest of Sunday will be spent installing equipment and working at the hospital. GRRRRR! That is not fair.I slink off in search of my stuffed penguin and to pout, then I remember Dad threw it away! Something about it smelling like death and possibly carrying the black plague. All that seasoning wasted. Things went from bad to worse. 

I heard mom talking to dad in the kitchen about next week, the kids are off for fall break, ok maybe that means they are taking the week off,  surely that means quality family time right. This could be promising, I perk up! Then I heard her say we are closed on Saturday the 12th for Ironman. Wait what, we are never close? That MUST mean a little family fun! OH yes there it is the silver lining! Ok now this is what I am talking about... hold on let me pack my beach towel; where did I leave my doggles...wait excuse me what? NO, what did you just say? We have to get ready for Ironman because your all helping with the aid station for the school all day! No!!! NO!!!! This can't be! 

This left me with with no hope, dejected. I laid down behind the chair and gave this situation some serious thought. I knew immediately what I had to do...I BARKED, and BARKED and Barked at my mom. She didn't even notice. Perhaps I have desensitized her, crap I hadn't thought of that. I cried out like I had been kicked, YELP! Head snaps in my direction, thats a good sign she will come to my aid. Dad walks over doesn't even say anything checks my paws turns me around expertly feeling my body to see if I am injured. No clean bill of health! "Go lay down Pike" he says. Oh sweet baby hamsters!!! I have reached a new low. 

I walked over and laid down next to my penguin replacement; a stuffed monkey! I took the monkeys head in my teeth and I thrashed it around all my frustration and anger building and building and then something bit me hard right on the butt, I spun around YOWL!!! It bit me again! Yelp Yelp! I spun again this time trying to see what in the heck is attacking me and realize it was the stupid monkey. Every time I spin around wildly I whipped myself with this things 10 inch long tail, effectively turning it into a bull whip. Thats it I quit. UNCLE I scream to the universe. Uncle I say under breath. NO hikes, no penguin and an attack monkey, I may have reached the end of my preverbal rope. I try to decide if I should sharpen my teeth and face it head on or bury my head in the sand like an ostrich. I decide to crawl under a blanket, my sand equivalent at the moment and close my eyes. ~Ruff!

 

Montana

There is an intersection in my heart where my yesterday and my today meet. Sometimes they shake hands and exchange pleasantries and sometimes they throw down with a take no prisoners stance that I know from experience will leave me weary and much worse for the wear. I spend long nights aching for a familiarity that only comes at night where my mind is allowed to drift to yesterday bolstering me up and giving me strength to face tomorrow. It is always the same, I awake to sunlight streaming through an eastern window rising to meet the day. I know that I will be ok but sad for all that has been left behind. The passing of the players of my youth always has this effect on me. You relive the laughs and quake at the sorrow that has left you on the floor wondering how this world could possibly do with out them in it.

I wake up to hot breath in my face, dog breath, thanks Rome. My not so subtle reminder with four legs, that the days of horses and cows, mountains and prairies have long since passed and that just like the seasons spent in a frozen landscape I will get through it. Yet another of the characters from my past has moved on into another sunset. I find myself wondering how long has it been since I was home. I always talk about our love for Colorado but home for me is Montana; where the sky is as big as the hearts of the people who live there. Growing up in a place like that never leaves you. Like a Charlie Russell painting it's etched into the sand stone cliffs in your heart and drifts endlessly through the rivers of memories in your mind.  You know that gods country is different for everyone; everyone that is except those who grew up in Montana.

I grew up in Great Falls Montana dirt poor and happy. We made do with what we had and worked hard for everything else. I learned early you can be poor but you can be clean, bar soap is cheap and with a little elbow grease even the deepest stains will yield; just like our memories to time. I often look at my childhood and wonder what the hell my parents were thinking, I would never let my kids do the things I did; roaming wild and recklessly. They were so hard on us, like a relentless torrent of water cutting us and shaping us to be the people we are today but giving us just enough space to spread our wings and when we were ready to fly away. What am I afraid of... nothing I tell myself and yet everything perhaps. Give me a rattlesnake and a field of hay bales over pleasant conversation about nothing any day! It is what I know and what is comfortable to me. 

I try and teach my kids the values I know, honesty, hard work, reliability, and fortitude; this in a world that can no longer define these things. I know as we lay to rest another of these forces that shaped who I am today; you can not buy these things they have to be taught and learned, with patience and practice. I search my memory trying find the blue print on how to be brave in the face of death; I am certain I learned this at some point.  I was never very good at playing dress up;pretending was never a game for me to master. I am a "what you see, is what you get type of person". I know all I can do is face it the days head on, with the knowledge that I was given the gift of time spent with people who could give me something money can't buy, love, hope, strength and self worth. I pick myself up off the floor, dust myself off and open up the drawer and write down all the reasons I am grateful for growing up in a place like Montana counting her as one of them. 

She like so many others are etch into the cliffs of my heart. I will add her name to all those who have gone on ahead of me marking the trail so eventually I too will find my way home. Time is a friend of no one and sooner or later we all yield to its force. It is this force of nature that we call life. I regard its reminder politely, with a subtle nod of my head and steady eye contact, I bid her a good day! Then I turn and look at the face I see in the mirror and I say to myself you only live once, so lets start living.