Goat Evolution

Have you ever wondered why dogs bury their bones? Why do they roll in the stuff that is so stinky it makes your eyes water and can clear a room faster then you can say ready...set...go? Do you ever wonder how it is possible that you can feed the dog one thing but what you get in return is not even in the realm of similar? Well,I am excited to announce I have sorted out the evolutionary adventure that is the DOG! I didn't even need to go to veterinary school to figure this out. Just  a little Sherlock Holmes sleuthing and... voila!

First you have to understand the fundamentals of how domestic dogs evolved. They did not evolve from wolves but actually from goats. That is why they have no problem eating things like Barbie's head and Dad's golf balls. Like monkeys are to us, the Labrador is actually the most closely related to the goat. I know this because we seem to take the majority of intestinal foreign objects out of Labs or Lab mixes. No, it doesn't seem to matter how dilute the gene pool becomes, the goat gene prevails. We have taken out plastic frogs, jewelry and underwear that do not belong to any one in the family and are hard to explain to the wife. We have removed string, rocks, nails, carpet, toys, leashes, dental floss-you name it. We have not removed a license plate yet but I am guessing it is only a matter of time. Some things when ingested like crayons, when properly chewed, make for very colorful lawn decorations. I am starting to think that this is our pets' attempts to help add just a little touch of color to brighten the day and make our job of picking up after them more interesting.

Second, you have to understand that there is also something about how a particular item is flavored. Out of the bowl is not enough for some pets. They need to have their food seasoned. Kuku, Dr. Head's parent's dog, seasons his food by rolling each piece across the floor and then rubbing himself all over it. This extra seasoning makes for a very tasty morsel indeed.  Rome has a similar solution to seasoning his food, licking it and then rolling it across the floor. Sometimes he carries it around in his mouth for a while first before dropping it on the floor and then only after it has been properly seasoned does he eat it. 

Third in this evolutionary time line comes the human toddler, every house should have one. You will actually save on pet food as your pet joins the masses of pets across America and the world who are on the toddler diet (most parents have also been on the toddler diet, eating what is left over on their children's plates) . All the Cheerios and crackers, rice pops and veggies, fruit snacks and meat bits that fall to the floor or out of small hands are prime picking for the family dog. For those children whose food seems a little too bland, most dogs are more than happy to add their drool to the mix.  We actually joked when our daughter was little that since she was here at the Hospital all the time, maybe we should deworm her every 6 months. The 3-second rule does not apply to toddlers or teenage boys and after 5-seconds left unattended it is fair game for the four-legged members of the family. Unless you're Pike, in which case you snooze you lose and one-second is more than enough time for you. You had your chance and if you want it back you will need to come get it... so you better prep the OR. 

Fourth and finally the number of germs we ingest in a day can not compare to the number of germs that our dogs AKA goats and children bring home to us. Just pushing the cart at the store exposes you to thousands of bacteria everyday. The dogs evolution from a goat is simply natures way of helping humans live longer, no one wants to live with a goat as a flat mate. Yet we don't even bat an eye at our dog sharing ice cream off of our spoon(you know who you are). It is this evolutionary achievement that helps us combat the germs in our world. 

As we approach the holiday season and all of the food bits to be had, remember, goats, dogs, toddlers, teenage boys and even a few husbands out there have more than a few things in common. At our house anyone one of them could have sampled what ever it is you're about to eat. My suggestion is, if you aren't sure don't eat it. That is one way to stay healthy and maybe even avoid over indulging..... let the holidays begin.

BACON.....

 

I have a question for you. What is it about BACON that makes my mom so nuts? Yesterday she and dad made pancakes and bacon for breakfast. This would be normal except my mom decided to make a "panwich". She layered a pancake, then syrup, then BACON, then another pancake and then cut it in half and ate it like a sandwich. Now these pancake were not huge. They were only about 4 inches across so it was the perfect little sandwich. It smelled amazing and that maple syrup and maple bacon, well, I was secretly wishing she would drop it or it would drip onto the floor but no such luck. Then my mom started coming up with all kinds of fun ideas on ways to eat pancakes. One of which was the "Pantaco". You could fold it in half like a taco, filling it with sausage or BACON and scrambled eggs and drizzle it with syrup. Where does she come up with this stuff? 

After our breakfast of curiosities, Mom went about her day. She whipped up a pan of Rice Krispie treats for dessert later. I was super excited about that. Then came dinner. Now my mom generally doesn't like to touch raw hamburger; it freaks her out. She can help Dad all day long with surgery but this simple dinner task can often prove to be just too much for her so usually Dad is in charge of making the burgers but not today. Mom did it all by herself and never said a word to Dad about needing a hand. Instead, she got everything ready and it was only when they needed to be put on the grill did she enlist Dad's services. I was dumbfounded. What has gotten into her? Then I saw it. Concealed on the counter in a bag wrapped in a paper towel was the rest of the cooked bacon from breakfast. Mom was not in her right mind because she was thinking about the BACON burgers she was making for dinner. Stranger still was this whole situation because Mom doesn't usually eat hamburgers. I think it was the promise of another chance to eat BACON. My brothers were even more shocked when Mom took this meal to a whole new level of cheesy and added ranch dressing to the burger and side order of seasoned french fries. Mom's burger, minus cheese of course, must have been amazing. She didn't say a word as she sat there with our family enjoying this very guilty pleasure. She even chased it with a Rice Krispie treat. I leaned against her to see if perhaps she was running a fever. Nope!

We don't have BACON at our house very often. In fact,  I think it has been at least 6 months since our family last enjoyed it- well everyone except my oldest human brother (he hates BACON). My Mom says if she didn't know she had actually given birth to him she would have to say there is no possible way he could be hers. Unless you are a vegetarian, is there really anyone out there that doesn't love bacon? I often wonder. I must confess, I too love BACON. I am not allowed to eat it but once when my sister dropped hers on the floor, I helped make sure it didn't go to waste and I have to say......my mom has great taste. I LOVE BACON!!!! 

~ Ruff

Crash, Bang, BOOM!!!

Out of control, or so life goes. When will it stop? No body knows.

The noise of one of the 6 foot glass doors shaking violently in the lobby was enough to bring us all running, terrified by what we might find when we arrived. For the staff and people in the lobby it was the look of fear and concern that made me worried and then we saw the source of the noise. The 40 pound dog that had just come into the lobby from playing out back was cowering under the desk terrified by what had just happened to him. We guess he thought for a moment he was an ice skater as his 4 paws suddenly transformed into four ice skates with no traction and so much velocity that we are lucky he didn't shatter the door as he crashed into it. Just him merely grazing the edge of it sent him somersaulting across the lanai and into the chairs and love seat like a bowling ball on a collision course for a powerful and definite strike. While he was a little shaken up, he was unbroken and we are so thankful. He seemed a little sore and was guarding his side where he had made contact with the door. He was, in all honesty, more embarrassed by his latest escapade then damaged, but he would never tell you that if asked. Dr. Head brought up some pain medication for him after doing a very lengthy exam.  Just a little something to help with the pain and inflammation he would be sure to be suffering from. He gave him a treat, which much like a kiss on a human booboo, can heal anything.

 

Poor Pike. He walked over to his corner of reception and lay down on his bed and napped for the duration of the day. He cried when he climbed into the truck to head home and went upstairs and lay down in his soft round bed after dinner and fell fast asleep under his blanket. Glad to have this day behind him.

The next day he seemed sore but ok, until he got a nice bowl of the wrong dog food from his human sister and immediately broke out in hives and began trying to chew his feet and legs off, inflicting damage to himself in his effort to itch himself with his teeth. Poor guy, his last 24 hours were proving quite challenging and he was definitely worse for the wear. He fought to control himself, but he was self destructing rapidly and needed a medical intervention. Dr. Head gave him additional pharmacological reinforcements and something to help him sleep for a little while until the rest of the medication kicked in. He was a mess. He slept for most of the day under Stacia's watchful eye.

The next couple of days didn't seem to improve his state of mind. He was still a little sore and was now full of little scabs where he had chewed his legs up and to make matters worse he rolled in something and needed a bath. He had a bath with a shampoo to help his itching and to calm down his skin later that day and getting dried off proved to be just too much for him and he snapped at Dr. Head and then laid into his dog brother in a vicious attack.  When will this week end? Sorry for his bad behavior, he climbed under the sofa getting him self wedged underneath and needing a human intervention. He climbed the stairs after dinner and hoped to sleep off this no good, very bad, last few days. Then the thunder rolled and with it came the fear and trembling, more sedatives and a very long night. The week drew to a close and with it the promise of a new week.

He started this week off on a good note. He seemed happy, his side felt better and his wounds were nearly healed. He pranced around the hospital in his usual way and was excited about getting in the truck to come to work, then this morning just when he thought things were on the up and up.... his brother pulled a tick off of him! Then he developed hives at work from something and he started to self destruct all over again.

 

We have all had these weeks, and  in truth we probably have more good days then bad. Its just that the bad days seem to all attack at once. For poor ole' Pike lets hope he shakes those bad days soon. Here is to no more bad days. I am certain Pike would agree to that, meanwhile pass the Benadryl.

Pike for President!

I have decided to run for president in 2012. I am a reasonable fellow and I am sure you will all agree I would look great on a postage stamp! I am very no nonsense. I don’t mince words and I am not a fan of people who do. Rome will be my running mate. He is practical, well-liked by all and is sincere in all that he does. I think we will be the perfect pair for the White House. I am neither a Republican nor a Democrat, neither a Liberal nor a member of the Tea Party (caffeine is bad for dogs). I am not an independent either. I am simply an American: one of the 312,500,740 us and counting.

My campaign will be wide reaching, it will be a local effort with a global voice. Most importantly it will be free on Facebook, Twitter, and Blogger and I will only do interviews on Skype from Hawaii, limiting my need for millions in campaign dollars. I will set up a Pike cam for full disclosure. You can see how I spend my day and my interactions with people day to day not just when I need to play to the camera. This will be live and unscripted, reality not Reality TV, there is a difference. I will need a couple of things on the road to the White House: a new behave collar, they are about $100.00 at Petco and a cool pair of Doggles (dog goggles), they run about $50.00. My mom said she will spring for them as an early birthday gift. This will save the country millions. No campaign funds needed here, anyone who wants to donate, please give to the community (that is where you live in case you didn’t know) for improvements, allocate funds for books or computers for schools, dirt and seeds for those community gardens. The more we work together, the less we will fight and we can return this country to greatness.

I am a silent fellow and I can listen for hours but when all is said and done, I want results. Sit up or lie down, will be my campaign slogan. My platform will be about a future America, not the America of days gone by. It will focus on education about the animals and lands in our country, how to make the most of the renewable resources we have here. I believe in wind (I generate a lot when I run), solar (I love to lay around and soak it up) and geothermal energy (ok, so mine is more combustible if you know what I mean). I think you get the point. I will also be hands-on about community gardens, digging and eating my way across the US and I will start putting people back to work by having them help grow and work for what they consume. I will pledge to see recycling in every city, town and state in the US. If it isn’t for the greater good of all, then recycle it, try again, make a decision and then see it through. It may not always make you the most popular but in the end if it is the right thing to do, you will be successful.

When I am elected, moving me into the White House will be easy. I already have a favorite bowl, it is ceramic and I have had it for years. It works just fine so there is no need for new china. I don’t care to re-decorate so leave everything as is. As for dealing with the other heads of state and their opinions of a dog running the US, well all I can say is worse case scenario, I chase them across the White House lawn. Best case scenario, I sit and listen to their position while they give me a belly rub. In turn I will lower their blood pressure so it is a win-win. I don’t need a whole undercover detail to care for me either. Give me a flack jacket and helmet. Anyone that has ever seen me run knows the guys with the dark glasses can’t keep up with me anyway and will just slow me down. As for term limits, I am four now and will be five when I am elected. This will make me the youngest sitting president ever. I will be able to see this through for 8 full years and then hand it over to the next dog ready to take on the challenge.

I have a lot of work to do but I am young and ready to take the lead. Charming and determined I can lead us to greatness. Vote for me, Pike, I am ready to take a bite out of Washington. 

~Ruff.