I have decided to run for president in 2012. I am a reasonable fellow and I am sure you will all agree I would look great on a postage stamp! I am very no nonsense. I don’t mince words and I am not a fan of people who do. Rome will be my running mate. He is practical, well-liked by all and is sincere in all that he does. I think we will be the perfect pair for the White House. I am neither a Republican nor a Democrat, neither a Liberal nor a member of the Tea Party (caffeine is bad for dogs). I am not an independent either. I am simply an American: one of the 312,500,740 us and counting.
My campaign will be wide reaching, it will be a local effort with a global voice. Most importantly it will be free on Facebook, Twitter, and Blogger and I will only do interviews on Skype from Hawaii, limiting my need for millions in campaign dollars. I will set up a Pike cam for full disclosure. You can see how I spend my day and my interactions with people day to day not just when I need to play to the camera. This will be live and unscripted, reality not Reality TV, there is a difference. I will need a couple of things on the road to the White House: a new behave collar, they are about $100.00 at Petco and a cool pair of Doggles (dog goggles), they run about $50.00. My mom said she will spring for them as an early birthday gift. This will save the country millions. No campaign funds needed here, anyone who wants to donate, please give to the community (that is where you live in case you didn’t know) for improvements, allocate funds for books or computers for schools, dirt and seeds for those community gardens. The more we work together, the less we will fight and we can return this country to greatness.
I am a silent fellow and I can listen for hours but when all is said and done, I want results. Sit up or lie down, will be my campaign slogan. My platform will be about a future America, not the America of days gone by. It will focus on education about the animals and lands in our country, how to make the most of the renewable resources we have here. I believe in wind (I generate a lot when I run), solar (I love to lay around and soak it up) and geothermal energy (ok, so mine is more combustible if you know what I mean). I think you get the point. I will also be hands-on about community gardens, digging and eating my way across the US and I will start putting people back to work by having them help grow and work for what they consume. I will pledge to see recycling in every city, town and state in the US. If it isn’t for the greater good of all, then recycle it, try again, make a decision and then see it through. It may not always make you the most popular but in the end if it is the right thing to do, you will be successful.
When I am elected, moving me into the White House will be easy. I already have a favorite bowl, it is ceramic and I have had it for years. It works just fine so there is no need for new china. I don’t care to re-decorate so leave everything as is. As for dealing with the other heads of state and their opinions of a dog running the US, well all I can say is worse case scenario, I chase them across the White House lawn. Best case scenario, I sit and listen to their position while they give me a belly rub. In turn I will lower their blood pressure so it is a win-win. I don’t need a whole undercover detail to care for me either. Give me a flack jacket and helmet. Anyone that has ever seen me run knows the guys with the dark glasses can’t keep up with me anyway and will just slow me down. As for term limits, I am four now and will be five when I am elected. This will make me the youngest sitting president ever. I will be able to see this through for 8 full years and then hand it over to the next dog ready to take on the challenge.
I have a lot of work to do but I am young and ready to take the lead. Charming and determined I can lead us to greatness. Vote for me, Pike, I am ready to take a bite out of Washington.
~Ruff.
