Have you ever wondered why dogs bury their bones? Why do they roll in the stuff that is so stinky it makes your eyes water and can clear a room faster then you can say ready...set...go? Do you ever wonder how it is possible that you can feed the dog one thing but what you get in return is not even in the realm of similar? Well,I am excited to announce I have sorted out the evolutionary adventure that is the DOG! I didn't even need to go to veterinary school to figure this out. Just a little Sherlock Holmes sleuthing and... voila!
First you have to understand the fundamentals of how domestic dogs evolved. They did not evolve from wolves but actually from goats. That is why they have no problem eating things like Barbie's head and Dad's golf balls. Like monkeys are to us, the Labrador is actually the most closely related to the goat. I know this because we seem to take the majority of intestinal foreign objects out of Labs or Lab mixes. No, it doesn't seem to matter how dilute the gene pool becomes, the goat gene prevails. We have taken out plastic frogs, jewelry and underwear that do not belong to any one in the family and are hard to explain to the wife. We have removed string, rocks, nails, carpet, toys, leashes, dental floss-you name it. We have not removed a license plate yet but I am guessing it is only a matter of time. Some things when ingested like crayons, when properly chewed, make for very colorful lawn decorations. I am starting to think that this is our pets' attempts to help add just a little touch of color to brighten the day and make our job of picking up after them more interesting.
Second, you have to understand that there is also something about how a particular item is flavored. Out of the bowl is not enough for some pets. They need to have their food seasoned. Kuku, Dr. Head's parent's dog, seasons his food by rolling each piece across the floor and then rubbing himself all over it. This extra seasoning makes for a very tasty morsel indeed. Rome has a similar solution to seasoning his food, licking it and then rolling it across the floor. Sometimes he carries it around in his mouth for a while first before dropping it on the floor and then only after it has been properly seasoned does he eat it.
Third in this evolutionary time line comes the human toddler, every house should have one. You will actually save on pet food as your pet joins the masses of pets across America and the world who are on the toddler diet (most parents have also been on the toddler diet, eating what is left over on their children's plates) . All the Cheerios and crackers, rice pops and veggies, fruit snacks and meat bits that fall to the floor or out of small hands are prime picking for the family dog. For those children whose food seems a little too bland, most dogs are more than happy to add their drool to the mix. We actually joked when our daughter was little that since she was here at the Hospital all the time, maybe we should deworm her every 6 months. The 3-second rule does not apply to toddlers or teenage boys and after 5-seconds left unattended it is fair game for the four-legged members of the family. Unless you're Pike, in which case you snooze you lose and one-second is more than enough time for you. You had your chance and if you want it back you will need to come get it... so you better prep the OR.
Fourth and finally the number of germs we ingest in a day can not compare to the number of germs that our dogs AKA goats and children bring home to us. Just pushing the cart at the store exposes you to thousands of bacteria everyday. The dogs evolution from a goat is simply natures way of helping humans live longer, no one wants to live with a goat as a flat mate. Yet we don't even bat an eye at our dog sharing ice cream off of our spoon(you know who you are). It is this evolutionary achievement that helps us combat the germs in our world.
As we approach the holiday season and all of the food bits to be had, remember, goats, dogs, toddlers, teenage boys and even a few husbands out there have more than a few things in common. At our house anyone one of them could have sampled what ever it is you're about to eat. My suggestion is, if you aren't sure don't eat it. That is one way to stay healthy and maybe even avoid over indulging..... let the holidays begin.
