What is it about the holidays that have my brain cells lining up at the edge of my ear like lemmings ready to plunge to their deaths, rather then stay in the over-taxed neurological nightmare I lovingly refer to as my brain for one more second.I can almost see them making their way to the exit in orderly fashion, calmly waiting their turn to jump and welcoming the relief it will bring to have escaped.
My brain is always on overload, and this time of the year I find it even more so. I feel disconnected to the general life; I live and float through the chaos that is my reality. People ask "what do you want for the holidays?", and I can actually see myself on a stage in a pageant, knowing the correct answer is world peace, but thinking honestly a nap would be amazing...better yet a nap and the chance to read a real book. I read all the time but some how Surviving the Recession, Good Boss, Bad Boss and How to Succeed in Business, are not quite the mental escape I am longing for.
I go through the motions of shopping for the people I love and realizing they do not need a single thing, so I guess socks and underwear it is, you can never have to many of those right? We are inundated with the delights of the holidays; for once my waist is happy to be allergic to dairy, blessings come in many forms and mine will not be an extra 5 pounds this holiday season. My staff delight in these treats and I sip on my 1/2 caff, soy, sugar-free vanilla latte in my office, avoiding the back counter where sugar plum fairies are dancing and twirling in colorful tins and boxes of joy. It is like a scene from the nutcracker only its all edible. If you're old enough to remember what "blissed out" is, this is the PG13 rated version. Oh yes!
The animals are on serious revolt in light of the chaos that is the holidays. I think they wonder if the treats, that seem to multiply on the back counter like gremlins when you add water, will suddenly find their way into the pet dishes of dreams where chocolate-dipped shortbread and Mac Nut Pie are acceptable to eat. They too wake up from this alternate nirvana and realize that we have not dipped their kibble in carob and walk away dejected, thinking maybe they too should have just wished for world peace like everybody else.
I find that this time of year conjures up memories that are like an antique book you open carefully, with gloved hands you turn the pages, carefully catching the tears before they mar the page of your past. Life ebbs forward, and we complicate it with all the things that never really mattered in the first place. We settle on the negative on the people and things that will never change, on the lies that are told and the wrongs that are real or simply perceived. We count our blessings and lose count, learning that they are infinite. We find ourselves standing on the edge of the holidays of yesterday clinging to things that matter most and giving ourselves permission to jump, bidding the last year adieu, wishing for the one thing we all really want for the holidays and everyday...World Peace.
