Men are funny. Sure, we all make jokes about men not asking for directions and how they can fix anything until... well, they can't. I am fortunate that I never experienced this in my relationship. I have been lucky enough to be married to a man who can really do it all... except when he can't, and then It has to be the cat's fault.
You see, cats in general, really like Jacob, except for when they don't. The cat that doesn't like him, happily for Jacob, resides somewhere other then our house. Okay, so he lives at the Hospital with his world-dominating sister. Jenner tolerates Jacob from afar, not that they haven't had close encounters, mind you. The first and last of significance ended with a two week course of antibiotics after the trip to urgent care.
You see, Jenner was mine before he was ours and for clarification, in case you're confused, means he is still mine. Jenner came to me with his sister and brother before his eyes were even open. I hand-raised them and loved them, together with my then, one and seven year-old sons. We did what we could do to make sure Jenner turned out well-adjusted. Basically, if he could survive, he could stay. When Jacob and I decided to turn the his and mine into an ours, we became a mixed family. His two dogs, Hina and Maddie, and my two cats, Rune and Jenner, would need to get used to each other slowly. For my cats, this meant that when the dogs stopped breathing, they could move into the backyard. Jenner had never been an easy cat, even as a kitten he was more of a take-no-prisoners kind of creature. With the addition of the dogs, this was seen as a hostel take over and the dogs must be destroyed, or at the very least, tormented until they went stark-raving nuts. Unfortunately, in poor Maddie's case was not a real long walk.
We have all learned over the years that treating Jenner for anything medical requires great skill and a solid grasp on reality (basically, I hold on for dear life and hope I don't let go). Just treating him monthly for fleas and such is like hoping the Jello stays in a strainer under hot water. He bites and scratches with the ferocity of a meat grinder and you just hope that someone has band-aids ready after you get done with your 8-second ride.
Tuesday,when Stacia came down with trepidation and said Jenner had a bloody ear, we all really questioned whether we should just let it be. I asked her to go upstairs and bring him down and she asked if she got hazard pay. She did manage to get him and I took him from there. I think he was trying to figure out how to have an out-of-body experience (mine being the closest body). When I set him on the table, he flattened his ears as if to say, "excuse me, but I lack the ability to use my middle digit. Perhaps my teeth will make the point". I noted this and then he flicked his tail in a way that on a rattler would have made me back away slowly and then run in the other direction. I could see the wound on his ear and I could see Jacob eyeing the situation with a where-did-I-leave-that-chain-mail-full-body-armor look I see come across his face ever time we have to deal with Jenner. I held on to Jenner and stroked his coat and tried to reassure him, all the while, I had my fingers tucked under, like a chef in a chopping contest, for fear of the loss or damage that would surely come If I got to close. My very brave husband stayed an arm's length back while still examining my beloved cat. Jenner, all the while was plotting our demise. Jacob swabbed his ears, "okay buddy, you're almost done". Then came the ear cleaning. Okay so yes, it is cold and yes, it feels strange sloshing about inside your ear, but from the look on my cat's face you would have thought I was preparing him to be cooked up on a spit. I was rubbing the solution into his ears when Jacob said, "so who is going to treat him everyday?" This was a retorical question of course. We both knew the answer to this. I set him into his cage and his ears were as flat as they could get against his head. In human terms, this would be a double bird moment. I apologized profusely and told him I was very sorry but we have to take care of his ears-that it was for his own good. What he heard was, "I was bored and hadn't tortured you in a while so thanks for coming down." Jacob also apologized for his veterinary-like behavior and Jenner actually let him pet him. How's that saying go? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Yeah, well, let's just say Jenner has mastered this and takes it to a whole new level.
