As anyone who has ever owned their own business knows, the life you had before is gone, baby, gone. You spend every day, 7 days a week, working and when you’re not at work you’re thinking about work, right? Until something happens that makes you remember wait just a minute, hold the phone, stop the press. I used to do that! We recently had this revelation.
You see, our oldest son started to play on the golf team and it reminded us that once upon a time, long, long ago we played too. Now, let me be clear that the “we” would be Jacob and I, with a strong emphasis on Jacob. He used to play at least a few times a month and he played junior golf as a kid. Now he is lucky if he plays a few times per year! (Usually in some tournament I have signed him up for and then only if he doesn't get called into the hospital).
I, on the other hand, am sad to say, while I enjoy playing very much, I am terrible. I can throw the ball about as far as I can hit it. I am proud of the fact, however, I am single handedly doing my part to kill every earthworm on the course as my ball burns by them at a crawl. Maybe I just bump them on the head but at least I am contributing, right? When I am not swinging at the ball and.... missing (we don't count those), I occasionally get a piece of it and then after searching in vain for several minutes and holding up the poor chaps coming up behind us, I have to concede and drop a ball. (For the record we don't count these either.) Poor Jacob, his ball has been resting peacefully a mere foot or so from the pin for what in golf time seems like an eternity. I swing and miss again and start counting up my strikes. By my count I have been struck out the equivalent of a full inning in baseball. Jacob reminds me gently to take my time, nice and slow, pausing just at the top of the swing and then I swing with enough force to send him running and when I open my eyes the ball has indeed sailed a good 50 feet....behind me. This is talent, folks! I can actually replicate this exact shot almost every time. I wonder sometimes if I shouldn't just play the whole course backwards.
My husband comes out from the nearest shrub to again give me a pointer (or ten) and say “hey Sammy (Sammy Sosa) we don't need a home run, just a single, easy now.” Then, as if I am getting prepared to launch a hand grenade, he hits the deck. Thankfully, I honestly don't mind him trying to teach me to golf. He is very patient and kind about our 4 plus hour golf games. I think he really just brings me along for the comic relief. When I finally do reach the green, the real fun begins. I can chip it on and off again in the same shot! (Oh yeah, I am that good!)
Once I get the ball back on I can hit it 2 inches at a time all the way to the hole. I may not be consistent on the fairway but on the green, I am an amazing display of pin-point accuracy and consistency. 35 shots later, I have completed the 1st hole. Only 17 more to go!
It is usually about this time that the little beverage cart comes around and my husband buys himself a water (enriched with barley and hops). He may need more enrichment before the day is through and I understand it is hard work playing dodge ball and golf at the same time. I tell him to think of it like cross training, only instead of alternating activities he is getting both things done at once. This may actually afford him time later for a nap, if he is lucky. After 9 holes we are usually plenty warmed up for the back nine and my score is usually well into the triple digits.
Jacob has taken up playing 2 balls simultaneously and is proud to be beating himself. At least it is a fair game, although I must admit I secretly root for the white ball with the x on it, not the white ball with the numbers. It definitely gets style points.
When we finish up and head into the 19th hole, Jacob always adds up my score, subtracts 100, figures out my handicap and I manage to beat him. While I know he is the superior player between the two of us, the numbers don't lie. I always offer to buy him another “water” for taking his loss like such a good sport. We laugh at the day’s events and look forward to next year when we try and settle this grudge match. I think maybe I will take some lessons this year so I don't get an unfair advantage. I wonder if the coach will charge me extra for hazard pay. Until then, here is hoping for another day off, so we can hit the links....FORE!!!!!
