SALMON is KRYPTONITE

Until yesterday I did not know what Salmon was. That is not to say I don’t get my daily Omega 3’s I just didn’t realize that they could taste this amazing.It all started last night when my mom decided to get crazy in the kitchen again. You see from the minute I saw the butter, cream, and Romano and Asiago cheese come out of the fridge I knew my family was in for a real treat. We watched as she chopped asparagus, she was busy zesting and squeezing lemons all of which went into making her famous lemon Alfredo sauce. The pot was boiling and in went the linguine to cook for 9 minutes according to the timer on the stove. Then something happened – suddenly the house had a whole new smell. I watched as mom unwrapped the salmon and well let’s just say it was nirvana. The smell of the salmon was intoxicating. I paced back and forth outside of the ‘no dog zone.” Mom was stirring this and sprinkling that and I was floating on a salmon cloud. Then I noticed something out of the corner of my eye...Rome!

Rome who will not even try people food was pacing beside me keeping time with my attempt to edge closer into the no dog zone. Then he snapped and ran right up to mom and barked at her. Her response while at first startled by his bold rush into the kitchen was to say, “Excuse you!” To which he replied in dog of course “hand over the fish lady and no one gets hurt.” He was crazy spinning and barking, jumping up and laying down. I wasn’t sure but I thought perhaps he may suddenly and quite spontaneously combust. I was giving him a little extra room. Mom said to him, “Rome what has gotten into you? Get out of the kitchen.” Rome did not listen and still continued to be crazy. Mom said, “Is this what you want?” She offered him the tiniest little piece of salmon and Mr. Soft Mouth became instant Piranha – mom barely kept her fingers! She yelled for my dad. Dad came in and saw Rome had lost his mind and said “Oh no, what did you give him?” Mom said a “dime sized piece of salmon.” Dad immediately gave the piranha another little sliver and he went stark raving mad. Dinner was nearly done and mom was focused on not letting her sauce break (separate) and straining the noodles. With dinner assembled Rome was having an out of body experience as my family sat and enjoyed their meal. 

Rome paced and barked and kept going into the no dog zone for another piece of salmon. Mom is a good student and had it covered so he couldn’t get to it; I taught her well (sorry Rome). Then after dinner mom did the unthinkable she grabbed a rather large chunk of salmon and made Rome go outside. She then proceeded to make him work for it in the form of learning to roll over. That’s my mom for you, you want to be rewarded, well, you’re going to have to earn it. Rome nearly took her arm off, offering to shake instead of learning to roll over. When he realized mom was not going to give up, he relented, and was rewarded. Again he tried the new trick – another reward, and soon he was rolling over like an alligator with out even needing a command. Mom realized she was creating a monster and did not reward him for the unsolicited behaviors. Soone he was barking and shaking and giving high tens and rolling over on command like a pro. Then it happened, dad asked him to come from the other side of the yard, a simple request, and he didn’t. Mom gave dad a piece of salmon but since her hands were now the flavor de jour that was not going to happen. Mom walked over to dad and Rome followed like a puppet on a string. I sat inside the screen door howling “listen to dad you idiot” in my best French accent. Rome was deaf to my pleas for him to “pay attention you fool” I screamed in a succession of high pitch barks.

Mom took the salmon and simply fed it to me, rather then reward him for his noncompliance, and just like that the salmon adventure ended. Well almost... you see mom still smelled like salmon, the air was still dancing with the aroma of the lemon and fish and the dishes with little bits of salmon flesh still clinging to them had yet to be washed. Rome could not stand it any longer he started barking at the plates and barking at my mom and basically needed to be, in my opinion, in a straight jacket with a heavy dose of sedation. As the kitchen got cleaned and the fish put away Rome settled down and then most likely due to a synapses overload passed out. It just goes to show: we all have things that make us crazy, some call it passion, some call it obsession, some call it addiction. Apparently at our house it is called Salmon and while I must admit it was tasty it does not hold a candle to bacon. ~Ruff